a, b and c are friends.
c is moody nowadays, so a and b just talk to each other and leave c out. is that right? i don't know. i guess c understands that if she has nothing to say, b and c can't do anything to include her. she understands. but it's still quite painful for c to not be close to anyone anymore. c is the type that needs true friends to support her whenever she's down, cos she's always down.

C has friends, but she does not know if they're true. if every single one of them can be trusted.

if b and a leave c out, what should she do?

1) just smile at them, be really friendly, pretend nothing happened and bottle everything inside.

2) act really cold towards them and bottle up everything inside.

3) scold them for leaving her out, for being bitches and contributing to her depression.

normally c will do option 2. but lately she's been wondering, what good will it do, being cold to them? she's tried option 3 before but it just made it worse. so she's going to try option 1 for as long as she can take it.

c is extremely emotional. she cries very easily, and she hates it. so she's going to try to channel her frustration and sadness into anger. she's not going to cry anymore.

just keep holding on.

i just have to keep believing that everything will be alright soon.

i wanna change so badly. i hate who i am. i don't have any hands to hold anymore. i'm falling, who's gonna catch me? i'm bleeding, who's gonna be my tourniquet? lately i've been drowning in my self pity and my seemingly never ending chain of blood from the wound in my soul, i've not had much time for God. where is he when i need him?

lately i feel like i can't really trust anyone anymore. it's scary, i used to be the person who could trust anyone at all, just show me that you like me for who i am. but no, that's not enough. i can't tell who likes me for who i am and who likes me for who i'm not. i'm moody, i have a lot of hatred, i'm angry, i'm sad, i'm confused. and so as a result i'm quieter in school. every day i get people asking me 'are you okay?' at least twice a day. my reply is always the same: i nod. just a gentle nod, cos it's the most ambiguous reply i can think of. NO, I'M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY. I'M DYING FROM A WOUND IN MY SOUL, DON'T YOU SEE IT? no, you don't. you don't like me for who i am.

yes, you may say i am acting emo or trying to be someone i'm not. it's not true. i'm not acting. i need help. i'll probably get split personalites soon if i continue like this. or maybe bi-polar disorder.

i'm going to try to be as happy as i can, to hide behind the mask of my wide grin and inject as much enthusiasm as i can into everything i do. maybe if i act enough, it may just become real.